Conviction

I was in a church service and listened to a friend of mine speaking and I could hear the conviction in his voice. I realized that I didn't have the same conviction, at least at times I don't think I do. It is the questions that cause me to doubt what I'm doing, who I am, and the gifts that God has given me to use. These are my doubts that draw me back from my conviction.

I admire those people who you can hear it in their voices and you want to follow them. Maybe part of my problem is I'm trying to be like the wrong person. Yes it is good to learn from other people but I can never be them. I can only be me. But when I doubt, I'm not being me, and it comes down to something even deeper, I'm not letting Jesus be Jesus. You see I profess to follow the teachings of Jesus and to have accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour but when I doubt what He has given me, then I am also doubting Him. I am not letting Him be the Lord of my life because that becomes too scary and I have to trust somebody else, other than just me.

I am beginning to see as I write this, that conviction changes the way we are pointed, whether we point ourselves at ourselves or whether we point ourselves and have ourselves be pointed at God. Can I trust myself to trust? Thankfully God helps me with this through His Holy Spirit working in my heart and mind, forming them and reminding me of the truth of God's word. In a lot of cases it is whether or not I chose to accept the Spirit's leading.

What are your thoughts?